Husbands say the darndest things...

So I went to Bluewater (woo hoo!) yesterday with the hubby. I tried on about fifty perfumes, all of which got "eh" or "it's okay.." or a flat out "EWW". I have been on this quest to find the perfume that would drive him wild with desire at the merest whiff to no avail. It's been years. I forced him to pick one once and he chose "Britney Spears Fantasy" how embarrassing!! But he at least likes it. Then I find out its because it has chocolate in it. It still doesn't do its job. I wear it all the time and he never notices.

So we are sitting at Starbucks enjoying a frappucino and I say "I'm just trying to find a signature scent that when you smell it, it reminds you of me." and he says "pony". That's right. When he smells horse, he thinks of me. Joy. (grumpy face)

More Hot Boots

Okay I'm obsessed now. Look what I bought today:

And I want these so bad I can taste them:

Someone send me to rehab (in a fab pair of boots!) ASAP!!!

On the weigh in front, I stayed the same this week. I'm totally crushed!! Ate pretzels and candy. I feel like crap now. Guess I will just keep plugging away though. More boots will fix it!!!

that was stupid

Okay please tell me why I decided to order Chinese food the night before a weigh in? That was really stupid. I was starving for one, Dave was starving, Dave was tired, I was tired, I got away with it. Ok if I'm honest, the big reason is I got away with it. I'm so damned spoiled.

I have a confession. I bought another pair of long riding boots on clearance online and didn't tell Dave. I wore them today and I love them sSOOOO much. He may kill me when we get the credit card bill but by then they will be molded to my feet and he won't be able to get them off much less make me return them! This losing weight thing is dangerous. I've always wanted tall boots and to suddenly have two pairs makes me giddy!!

hot boots!

I actually got the boots on with breeches this morning! WOOT! Has nothing to do with weight loss though I'm afraid. My friend Sue told me to put leather conditioning creme on them. Made them easier to stretch.

Here's hot photo for Paul, will have to take another when I have a helper so I can get the rest of my body in the shot. Excuse fat thighs, they are actually pressed against the couch flattening them out. Think flounders.

Also, picture of the silliness of me riding bareback with no bridle this week. Yes I can barely stay on my wild creature. lol

Riding boots

One of my goals was to be able to wear long leather riding boots. It's been a lifelong dream that I could never realise because I have really huge calves. I mean REALLY huge. I had a pair altered once and they looked like huge Santa Claus boots. I hate them.

Finally, for Christmas last year, Dave bought me a pair of Equitector boots. Real riding boots! They have an elastic panel in the back and I had lost enough weight that I could maybe get into a pair of the extra wide ones. I ordered them, they took WEEKS to get here because of my awkward size 8.5 and when they finally did, imagine my heart break when the elastic panel only went half way down and my huge cankles prevented me from zipping them up!!! I was crushed!!

Now I have lost more weight, I can actually get them both on, barely, but only with bare legs, not with jods yet. I can get them on with the thinnest pair of leggings in the world, but only if I haven't got an ounce of fluid retention on me.

As a matter of fact, I'm sitting here with my right boot on right now, trying to stretch it out because my right calf is at least an inch bigger than my left. I dont' know why, and I don't know if that's normal. :(

I think these poor boots will be worn out before they even get to go near a stable and that is really depressing to me. I look forward to the day when this will no longer be an issue and there will be no more Santa boots for me.

Eleven Weeks to go

I have exactly 11 weeks till I go to Oklahoma now. I have to admit that this week so far has been a bit of a bust diet wise. I think the 1/2 lb gain after a week of hard work got to me a bit this weekend. I've had my rest though and its time to get back on the horse so to speak. I also have noticed that work makes me want to eat so I think I should have no work till I reach my goal. haha! I wish! Nah, I'd get bored. I love my job. I only want to eat when I screw something up and feel inadequate. I will just try to make that more infrequent!!

I don't want children and I don't want to hear yours

We had a lovely lunch today at Macaroni Grill with one exception. A lazy mother that refused to do anything more to wrangle her unruly children except to keep repeating "sit nicely please" over and over. It didn't work. She could have gotten off her ass and forced them too but I guess she couldn't be bothered. I know its exhausting being a parent and blah blah blah but everyone else in the f-ing restaurant has paid hard earned money to come out and have a relaxing time and its not so relaxing to have your kids practically jumping on our heads and screaming right next to us. I'd go to Chuckey Cheese if Iwanted that. And to set the record straight I CHOSE not to have children. I'm not selfish and I'm perfectly capable of bearing children and I do have a husband so its none of those reasons. I just don't have any maternal desire at all. I love my friend's kids because I can spoil them and send them home but that doesn't mean I like the back of my heels rammed with a stroller or that I like having to dive out of the way of one because some breeder can't look where she's going. I'm not a second class citizen because I don't have children. I have just as many rights as you do. So please be considerate while you are out and about with your little ankle biters that some of us might not think they are cute or think you own the world just because you learned how to reproduce.

/endrant

Shock and Horror Weigh In

I am mad. Really mad. I worked my ass off this week, literally. I went to weigh in yesterday and I was shocked to find that I'd GAINED a 1/2 lb!!! At first I shrugged it off thinking "Oh, it's water weight, hormones etc." but then I got to thinking about it. How many freaking hormones did I have??? I should have easily dropped 2 lbs!! It makes me really mad now. I did come home and feel a bit sorry for myself and immediately went for chocolate and pretzels, but I only had a few chocolates (Hershey's Miniatures, which I gave the rest to Sue yesterday!) and instead of just binging on pretzels alone, I had them with low fat hummus for lunch. Not the best of lunches but at least I didn't full on binge. I am hoping it will all come off again next week and I'll be back on track.

The big thing that made me mad was that before I weighed in, I had at least four people at the stables tell me I'd lost loads more weight. They just saw me last Saturday so now I am having trouble believing them. I think they are just being nice. The crying wolf thing again. Does that mean I've actually put on weight or maybe I've just worn better clothes? I don't get it. Some of the people that said it aren't ones to just say things, but I am still not believing a word of it.

Dave had his wisdom tooth out yesterday and all went absolutely fine. He was only in there a few minutes and came out laughing and smiling. I was gobsmacked! I expected to have to carry him home and nurse him for days! I guess an impacted wisdom tooth is different from one that is fully grown in with just a cavity in it. He also had a fine oral surgeon too so that probably helped. I'm so glad that's over with and that he's not going to have to suffer.

Not the best of days, but not the worst either.

5 Croutons

Yesterday for lunch I made myself a huge salad. It was mostly greens and I like these fried onion topping things I put on there and since croutons are really high in ww points, I put five of them for the whole salad. I didn't mean to count them, I just noticed there were five. I also put lots of cottage cheese and some fat free dressing and a tiny amount of smoked turkey breast and low fat potato salad. When I got to the stables, Sue and I always talk about what we've eaten for some reason, and I was telling her about my huge salad, I said "and five croutons" she said "Five croutons!?" like it was something strange. I thought maybe not all English people know what they are so I asked and she said she did know she just thought it was funny to only have five of them. Am I being strange having five croutons on my salad? Its not will power as some may think, its greed. I want to save my ww points for better things like a half of a frozen pizza for dinner. If I can have a whole apple for 1/2 a point why oh why would I spend five points on something teeny? I want quantity not quality!!

Eleven Weeks, Five Days and black eyed horses

So I had this strange dream night before last. My horse was in pain, being hurt and I couldn't get to her. I woke up angry and anxious. I go to the stable later and her eye is nearly swollen shut. It looked like someone punched her! Actually, it was probably a branch or she banged herself or something. It was really windy that night so something could have blown in the field. I called the vet, he recommended a large dose of "horsey aspirin" and a night in with a big hay net. When I went out to check on her later, the eye had gone down a great deal, and its almost back to normal this morning. Did she call out to me in my dream though? I've had dreams my pets are trying to tell me things in my sleep before. Zack, my cat, told me he didn't like his new plastic water bowl, that he preferred glass and that it wasn't deep enough. I told my husband about this "silly" dream and he took it for real and changed his bowl. I wonder if I'm just a bit mad and not a "pet whisperer". haha

I have rocked the points and exercise this week by the way. I weigh in today so we will see how it goes. I have one week a month where hormones kick in and I either don't lose or gain and that's this week so we will see. I'm not too worried though because at least I know I've been good and it will come off next week if it doesn't today. My friend at the stables says I look like I've lost this week. I never know whether to believe people that say those things because I think they are just being nice. I even called another friend after she'd complimented me and asked her if she really meant it and said to please just tell me the truth. The reason for this is because at the height of my fatness, people would say "oh you look like you've lost weight" when I hadn't done any such thing. So now it's like crying wolf, I don't believe them any more when they say it. It doesn't really matter in the end, I can tell when I put my clothes on if I've lost it or not. I wore some black pants from the "fat collection" yesterday and I felt really awful in them. They were huge on me but they made my legs look bigger than normal. I don't know what to wear any more. I need help. I need a friend with fashion sense to take me and show me what to buy. If you've ever seen X-Weighted, I need FRED!! I love Fred!! Fred, save me from myself!! :)

Dave has to have a wisdom tooth removed tonight at Southend Hospital. Send him good healing vibes! And grant me strength to put up with what I'm sure will be big baby fest '08!

xxxooo!!!

The Mighty 19 lbs.

BeforeAfter (so far)

I have finally succumbed to opening a blog that I may actually use. Let's not hold our breath though.

I am an aspiring author/dressage rider/web content producer from Oklahoma, USA now living with my horse, cat and English husband in Southend on Sea, Essex, England. When I moved here, I was a wreck and gained a ton of weight. Well, nearly 100 lbs anyway. Mind you, I've never been thin and now that I look back at my eating habits of old, I can see why. 18 months ago I weighed 270 lbs. I started at a slimming club and lost around a couple of stone. Then, I finally was defeated by a really rude comment that the class leader made. I high tailed it out of there and headed to Weight Watchers. I thought I might as well try since I had friends that had tried for months, years even, to get me to go. All I had to lose was money and maybe a few pounds.

I've been with WW since February of this year. I've lost 26 lbs which makes my weight loss 52 lbs total. I'm now at 218. I am set to go home in November this year and I'd like to weigh under 200 lbs which I haven't done since I was 21 and got married the first time (I'm 38 now). Last time I went home, I was probably 270+ and that will have been two years ago in November. I only have 19 lbs to lose in 11 weeks and 6 days and I started a few days ago in earnest so I'm on my way. My weigh in is on Friday so I'll find out how I've done then. I've worked really hard this week, staying close to points as possible, exercising wherever and whenever possible and getting the right amount of sleep and drinking plenty of water. Yawn. I know... sounds boring, yes it is boring and I've been doing this off and on for 18 months but you know, its working so I can't complain. There are no quick fixes only slow ones when it comes to weight loss.

Today's tip would be that I have seen many very overweight people come and go at these slimming clubs and I can tell when they are going to fail. I have something they probably don't have though. I have been in therapy from the beginning in addition to the clubs. I wouldn't have done this without my therapist listening to my ranting and raving and crazy talk. If you've tried every diet and failed, get thee to a therapist! I have talk therapy over the phone so I don't even have to leave my house. I think it may have been a good thing too as I think my therapist has wanted to strangle me a few times!!

I have learned a few things in the past 18 months though that I'd love to share in my blog in the future too so stay tuned.